Or actually, cancer

Also known as, one of the suckiest ways ever to restart a blog.

On January 1st, I found a lump in my breast. I don’t think I will ever forget that moment. I had been feeling weird all day, which may or may not have been connected, I don’t know. Went to change after getting home from a family event and looked in the mirror to try to figure out why that area felt “off”, and there was a divot with a lump under it.

I gave it a couple days but I think deep down I knew it wasn’t going away. Saw my primary on the 7th, mammogram and ultrasound on the 8th, they determined I needed a biopsy. I didn’t realize the extent of how bad it was until I got the ultrasound report on Friday the 10th:

I won’t lie, I pretty much fell apart. I called out of work and spent about an hour crying, then started cleaning my house in that frantic “I need to control something” way. It was…fun.

Saw the surgeon Monday the 14th, had the biopsy Monday the 15th. Genetics testing on Thursday the 17th, because you’re not supposed to get breast cancer in your mid thirties, and now some family history is suddenly making everyone wonder. Initial biopsy results did show that the lump was malignant. I’ll get the rest of the results today.

I’m still pretty numb, and my brain is not all there – I keep making stupid mistakes at work, I am having trouble helping my kids with homework, stuff like that. Overall though, I think we’re all doing about as well as can be expected when something this devastating comes along.

It hasn’t all been bad. My colleagues are being amazing and my friends are super supportive. I feel very lucky to work where I work and to have the friends and family support system that I have around me.

Over the long weekend, we did also escape to Orlando. It was a very low-key trip but we managed to snag last minute reservations at ‘Ohana, and get a not-great-but-still-important-to-me picture in front of the castle in Magic Kingdom:

So yeah. It’s going to be a journey, but I think blogging about it will help, so here we go…

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